Whee...sort of!

Yesterday, hubby and I had another wonderful ride. It was cold and foggy as we went out early, but coming back the sun was coming out and so were droves of people!

We chose an unfamiliar trail with lots of ups and downs heading to the river. We cantered and trotted some of it in little bits. Harley seemed to love the combination...and that I was asking *him* for the pace he loves...instead of him asking me (repeatedly) and me saying (repeatedly), “Not now, Harley.”

After meandering along the river, coming back up, I let Harley go...for the first time ever really...my idea to go as fast as he wanted (safely). Off we went.

As we blitzed along out on the trail, I exulted...”This is what I dreamed of...this is what I have dreamed of...WHEEE!!!!!” (Never mind how immature this is...just being honest! LOL!)

I have worked with Harley a lot this week. Monday was another nice ride at Kronan...different trail for much of the way than today. Then Tues. and Weds. I worked with him at the arena trying to get some things accomplished. Those sessions were discouraging to me...and I doubted that yesterday at Kronan would be positive because of that, but chose to do it anyhow. One year ago, I was too intimidated by Harley to ride him out there, so had borrowed a friend’s horse to ride with hubby on January 1st. Yesterday was definitely an earmark day for me. It may be winter. Harley may be fat and sassy, but we DID it! Warts and all! Uglies and all! I loved it!

I am celebrating how far we have come. I am thrilled. In fact, my first ride on Harley (after all our accidents two years prior) in May 2007 is at this link. Yesterday was much different than that ride where I was scared to let go of the fence railing...I have Melissa to thank for much of it! Here is a link to part 3 of an ugly video taken in August, but it does, at least show that I wasn’t holding fence rail...I was trying to convince Harley I was trying to let go of the reins and he could have his face freely...I wanted him to go. It was our first time cantering at the arena ever (for some reason, that intimidated me even when the trail didn’t....)

Yesterday, out on the trail, I literally gave him his head...several times...and loved it.

For those moments, I guess I chose to set aside my doubts that this is best...he seems so much happier and calmer when I invite him up into the pace that he enjoys...I have often wondered WHY he enjoys being so “forward.” But with all the breathing and willingness to offer me his thought, to soften at my rein request, I don’t think he was “upset” wanting to move his feet because of angst. I have seen what that looks and feels like. Yet I know that people I respect, admire and friends I ride with who also respect the same trainers/clinicians would not encourage what I did today. Yet...I had a blast and I think Harley did, too...or some equine version of it.

Still the doubt is there...

Often at clinics I have audited/participated in, I see at least one participant spend a good chunk of time talking to the clinician about an internal struggle like this...almost like a therapy session. The theme of these talking sessions often seems to be this very thing...the question of how what seems to work best, feel best, in many ways...can it possibly BE best? The question often seems to be, “Is there a way in which I am doing something (negative) TO the horse by the very things/approach that I think he enjoys/responds to best?”

There are things I war with inside of me like these clinic participants...For instance, in my case, do “calm” and “soft” have to consistently happen at the walk and trot before we can ever canter out on the trail? If I can’t get his thought back mid-stride, is that cause to go back to the drawing board? What if his thought seems more prone to leave when I haven’t yet allowed him to move forward...but if I give him that at the beginning of a ride, he is much more dialed in to my page after that? He seems to be a totally different horse when I have let him move forward more, able to go at the walk. Able to give up a thought and change to a thought I am asking him to consider...If I keep him in “the box,” trying for all I am worth to find “softness” yet his thought is “out there out there” simply because he wants to move out...and if once I let him do that, he can give me the rest...is it so wrong to go that route? I can’t figure this out.

If I simplified it all down, what I really *want* to be able to do is go any pace at any time and feel him happy and content with me happy and content. ...and safe. What I have been trying repeatedly for most of the 19 months we have been doing this, for whatever reason, hasn’t worked. We have progressed in what we do together, but I don't feel like much of it feels good to him. When I go out to the pasture to catch him, he is a bit reluctant. Sometimes more willing than others, but typically somewhat reluctant.

As we cantered along yesterday, he stretched out, breathed, blew out... and...well...it all seemed nice...and it seemed like what I have been dreaming of...

Yet something in me is feeling like I may be blowing it if I allow this to go on.

I just want to let it all go and holler WHEE!!!!!